A Mathamatical Examination of Tiger's Adultery

Recently, my roommate requested that I share my views on the Tiger situation. Since I need a study break anyway, here are my stream-of-consciousness thoughts on the matter:

The Tiger situation reflects the mathematical formula that a man's propensity to cheat is equal to his athletic ability taken to the power of the sum of his looks, money, and fame: Athletic Ability^{(Looks + $$ + Fame)}. Note that the attractiveness of one's partner is not reflected in this formula--that's because it's not statistically significant. Despite the fact that this formula is pretty self-evident, some people like the Kardashians just need to learn it the hard way.

As far as Elin’s concerned, I think her embarrassment/shame levels can be reflected on a parabolic curve that increased up to around girl #3 or 4 and then started declining rapidly (Visual aid coming soon). This is because, once girl #3 came out, it started becoming clear that the problem was not necessarily their marriage, or Elin’s wifely qualities, but an actual sex addiction. If I were Elin, every girl who came forward after the third would make me less and less mad, and more willing to stand by Tiger in rehab, although my willingness to stand by him would also be highly correlated to the strength of his prenup (Visual aid to come).

P.S. Today, NY Mag released many of the text messages that Tiger sent to his mistresses, which I believe once again confirms the urgent need for someone to invent the self-combusting text. No one wants skeletons like this in their closet!