Ashley Tisdale: just hanging out next door (part 2)

So today, I was sitting on the couch by the fire next to the Christmas tree, all homey and content and thinking about the important things in life, when my mom came in and informed me that Ashley Tisdale was next door visiting her boyfriend's parents. OMG!! Apparently, all the neighborhood kids were going crazy and ringing the doorbell, but I am obviously way too cool for that. And I definitely don’t get star struck. Which is why I immediately went upstairs to camp out by the window for a glimpse!!

After about fifteen minutes of stakeout, I got bored and decided to head to the bookstore to get some travel books with my mom for my upcoming trip to Argentina. We were just pulling into the lot when I caught a glimpse of Ashley and Scott entering Barnes and Noble too! They were basically following me!

In the store, I had A LOT going on. Did I want Fromer’s or Fodor’s…or even Lonely Planet? The choices were endless! As you can imagine, I barely even noticed Ashley shopping around me, but since I knew you all would be DYING to know what she was wearing, I may have glanced at her a few times. Briefly. And I believe that she was in black sweatpants with silver studs up the sides (but not all the way down the leg), a v-neck tee in a burn-out peach color and black oversized Ray Bans. But like I said, I barely noticed her.

P.S. I thought about saying "Hi", but I happened to be wearing a hat shaped like a bear. Liz Lemon Alert #524 for yours truly.

Even though this hat is awesome, it's not my first pick for first impressions. Especially first impressions with my future BFF. I mean, random celebrity who basically follows me around. Yeah.

RIP Brittany Murphy

Last night Brittany Murphy passed away from cardiac arrest. I couldn't help but remember a quotation she gave to the tabloids four years ago when she lost a ton of weight and people accused her of being on coke:

"I have never tried it in my entire life. I've never seen it. I am also way too high-strung. I can't even take a Sudafed. Can you imagine? My God, I think my heart would explode!"

Creepy.

Anyway, Clueless is one of my all-time favorite movies (and the source of my blog title) so I find this news to be extremely sad. RIP Brittany, you will be missed.

Brody and Jayde: The Saga Continues

A few weeks ago, I reported that despite what Brody told his bros on the season finale of the Hills, he and Jayde were still together. As of last night, however, there appears to be trouble in paradise. Behold the Tweeting frenzy that went down yesterday:

Jayde's Twitter:

8:20PM Dec 18th: "Sometimes when you truly love someone you have to let them go....." I never really understood that quote until now"

4:58 AM Dec 19th: "Wtf!!!!!!!????? Omg"

12:24 PM Dec 19th: "This is the worst feeling I have ever had, every square inch of my body inside and out hurts :("

Brody's Twitter:

11PM Dec 19th: So I decided to stay in Australia BY MYSELF!!! Hahaha this is Crazy.. Might just stay here and start a new life.

If that's not enough for you, this morning Jayde tweeted "SINGLE!!"" You would think that about sums it up but there's a TWIST: when I went back on Twitter this morning, I saw that she had removed the tweet! I guess we'll all have to wait for the Tabloids/next season of the Hills to fill in the blanks here!

P.S. A lot of people have told me they don't think Jayde is that pretty. I think she's cute, although she definitely dresses for men, not women. I'd be curious to know what you all think!


update: People.com just reported that Brody and Jayde did indeed split! See the article here. They are a few days late, but whatevs, that's why you come to me first!

A Mathamatical Examination of Tiger's Adultery

Recently, my roommate requested that I share my views on the Tiger situation. Since I need a study break anyway, here are my stream-of-consciousness thoughts on the matter:

The Tiger situation reflects the mathematical formula that a man's propensity to cheat is equal to his athletic ability taken to the power of the sum of his looks, money, and fame: Athletic Ability^{(Looks + $$ + Fame)}. Note that the attractiveness of one's partner is not reflected in this formula--that's because it's not statistically significant. Despite the fact that this formula is pretty self-evident, some people like the Kardashians just need to learn it the hard way.

As far as Elin’s concerned, I think her embarrassment/shame levels can be reflected on a parabolic curve that increased up to around girl #3 or 4 and then started declining rapidly (Visual aid coming soon). This is because, once girl #3 came out, it started becoming clear that the problem was not necessarily their marriage, or Elin’s wifely qualities, but an actual sex addiction. If I were Elin, every girl who came forward after the third would make me less and less mad, and more willing to stand by Tiger in rehab, although my willingness to stand by him would also be highly correlated to the strength of his prenup (Visual aid to come).

P.S. Today, NY Mag released many of the text messages that Tiger sent to his mistresses, which I believe once again confirms the urgent need for someone to invent the self-combusting text. No one wants skeletons like this in their closet!

Open Letter to Langdell Occupants

Dear students of Langdell,

I know it's finals, and I know you’re stressed out, but there are some things I need to say. While I’m aware that we are all law nerds, to one extent or another, there are certain things you do that are unacceptable, and I’m about to call you out.

1.Book stands. Why on EARTH would you bring a BOOK STAND into the library? When you use a book stand, you are sending a message to everyone that you are the nerdiest person in the room. You probably also carry your books with a a roller backpack and have tape on your glasses. Am I right?

2.Noise Cancellation Earphones. Seriously, what is your deal? You are already in a library that is silent 90% of the time, can you really not handle the occasional sound? And if you are really that neurotic why can’t you use ear plugs? They work WAY better and don’t make you look nearly as lame. Get it together, weirdo!


3.Smells. I don’t care if you have all four of your 8-hour finals today, there is no excuse for not showering. Your cocktail of B.O., cheap cologne and cigarette smoke is disgusting! You are foul and seriously offending me!

4.Phones. Yes, we are all VERY important people and have A LOT going on. But we don’t need to hear your Miley Cyrus Party in the USA ringtone every two hours. The first time it went off, you should have been SUPER embarrassed and turned it to vibrate right away. But you didn’t! What is WRONG with you?

5.Sickness. Are you sniffling and coughing all over me? GROSS! Why would you take your germs into the most densely populated closed space you could find? AT LEAST reserve a study room or go infect the undergrad students in Widener. JESUS!

P.S. Sorry if I came off harsh, I love you!!!

Taylor Swift: Stay Beautiful

Dear Taylor,

I still remember the first time I heard "Tim McGraw" on the radio, and I've loved you ever since. You speak to me like no other teenager can! I love "Fearless" and "Breathe," and if I were 15 years old, I would TOTALLY cry over "Fifteen". I wish that I could have had you as a role model then, instead of Britney Spears. Maybe then things would have gone differently. But that's another story!

Anyway, one of the things I love about you is that even though you are a bazillionaire, it seems like you wear the same clothes you'd wear if you weren't famous, but got a decent allowance and maybe did some extra babysitting that week. I like that.

Your best friend,
Kristen

P.S. Joe Jonas SUCKS!

Blake v. Leighton: Fashion Faceoff!

I know I always say this, but if you read this blog I KNOW you watch Gossip Girl. I will be the first to admit that on a Monday morning when the world seems so cold, the knowledge that a new Gossip Girl is a mere twelve hours away gives me something to live for. It is the O.C. of the mid-to-late 2000's, and just as Imogen Heap's "Watcha Say" will forever call to our memories the tragic demise of Marissa Cooper, we all remember exactly how we felt when Chuck finally admitted that he loved Blair.

On the show, the characters often look like they got dressed while blacked out on Vodka Tonics in Bergdorf's. (I'm not judging, we've all been there). But I thought it would be interesting to take a look at what they wear OFF-screen, and maybe even throw some competition into the mix. So all you Upper East Siders, who is better dressed? Is it Blake or Leighton?

Xoxo!

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show!

Some of you requested that I review the Victoria's Secret Fashion show, which gave me the perfect excuse to watch it last night when I should have been studying! My reactions to the show ranged from questioning my sexuality, to debilitating and bottomless despair, to general aesthetic pleasure and enjoyment. I was also vaguely amused by the fact that I was watching the show at home in sweatpants at 11PM on a Friday night, while stuffing my face with Cool Ranch Doritos. Liz Lemon alert! ANYWAY, the angels all looked GORG and I totally approved of Miss Kylie winning the Model Search...girl is a Smoke.Show.

Arrrrrr! Alexander McQueen Swag

Growing up, my family would vacation in the Virgin Islands, and I used to love going into the Norman Island pirate caves and hunting for treasure. I think this might be why I am OBSESSED with Alexander McQueen jewelry and clutches, especially the ones with the skulls. I DIE for the silver skull ring!