Ashley Tisdale: just hangin' out next door

Have you ever wished you weren't such a shy LOSER? That's how I feel about the fact that two years ago, I declined an invitation from my mom to go next door with her to meet our new neighbors, the Speers. Their son, Scott Speer, is a super hunky music video director who is now dating Ashley Tisdale. My mom says his parents are awesome, and he seems like a really nice guy (See holding Ashley's LV, above). Anyway, I don't hate Ashley for preempting me with Scott. In fact, for some reason I kind of love her. Maybe it's because, despite the RIDICULOUS amount of money she has, she still seems kind of down to earth. Her Twitter account is all about getting her nails done and going to the gym--kind of feels like we are best friends already. Oh, and I totally don't judge her for getting a nose job. She had a DEVIATED SEPTUM people! Jeez.

Spotlight on: LAX

The holiday season is here, which means there is lots of traveling to be done. Unless you are Victoria Beckham, one of the redeeming features of air travel is that you have a total free pass to dress comfortably. But since the paparazzi are ALWAYS on your tail, you don't want to look TOO middle America. Here's some guidance:

I Hope They Serve Beer in the Hills.

Unfortunately, I was too busy to watch the Hills last night for my weekly live blogging. Luckily, Stacy the Bartender was kind enough to send over her diary, in which she discusses all the juicy details of her trip to Vegas with Kristin!

Dear Diary,

Kristin and I decided to go to Vegas today. On the car ride there Kristin told me there was a 90% chance I would hook up, but only a 60% chance that she would. God, I hate her. Anyway, I decided to make the most of it so we started talking about how much fun we were going to have and how many boys we were going to take home. After all, “You live you learn, and then you go to Vegas!” I think that’s how it goes.

When we got to the hotel room, Kristin and I started drinking and looking at all of our trashy clothes. They looked just like baby clothes! Because they were so small! haha. We went to Ghostbar, which is SO three years ago. Couldn’t the producers have hooked us up with something cooler? I wish I rolled with LC. At least when she went Vegas she had more than ONE friend to bring with her. Kristin and I sat at a table alone and started taking shots, when these guys came over. I think they said they were in the Backstreet boys, but I don't really know, I was too busy taking shots.

Anywayzies, the next morning I went into Kristin’s room and I was talking to her when I heard the shower was running. Who’s the whore now Kristin?? Turns out it was Justin bobby. I guess he teleported himself there from LA. They started talking about whether Justin would have driven to Vegas for Audrina and blah blah blah. I asked the producers if I could leave but they said I had to stay if I wanted my full salary on this episode. God I hate my life.

We ended up going to a strip club because we couldn’t get in to any clubs. Justin Bobby and Kristin were all over each other while I sat across from them at the booth taking shots. Kristin tried to include me by making out with me, which was disgusting because that's almost like kissing Justin Bobby. Luckily, I ended up getting alcohol poisoning and the ambulance came and took me to the hospital.

Well diary, that's all for tonight! Sweet dreams!

Black is the New Black

Recently, I got into an argument with a friend over who should have won Project Runway. Even though she was totally unlikeable, I died over Irina's final collection. Nina criticized her for sending an all-black collection down the runway, but I could not disagree more! Here are some more awesome all-black outfits from StockholmStreetStyle.com....

Puppies and Birkin Bags Don't Mix, Kim Kardashian Learns

Disaster struck in the land of Kardashian today, when Kim's dog peed on her Birkin bag. She tweeted furiously: "Rocky just peed on my new Birkin bag!!! I want to kill him! U have noooo idea how I feel right now! I know he's a puppy but SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!"

This reminds me of when Holly Montag drunkenly threw food on Heidi's brand new crocodile clutch during her rehearsal dinner. Why do bad things always happen to people with amazing handbags?

Terrible People with Pretty Clothes

Ok don't hate me but...I think Olivia Palermo is generally well dressed. I know that she wrote an open letter to all the socialites of New York begging them to accept her, and I know that she took credit for the look Whitney pulled last season for the Elle cover. She is incapable of giving presentations or conducting interviews and generally brings very little to the metaphorical table. (OK FINE Olivia, we know that you chose that watch, and it totally did look good on Brooklyn). Despite all of this, I consistently approve of her wardrobe choices. At this point you may be thinking: "She's a filthy rich socialite, of course she's well dressed!" However, I am a firm believer that money does not buy style. So, as much as we hate Olivia Palermo, I think it's okay to put aside those emotions and admit that she puts together some pretty awesome outfits.

What the Hills?: live blogging!

While most of you are probably unconcerned with my take on the Hills, or get your post-Hills fix from Gawker.com (I do!) I have been notified by at least one reader that she would like me to review the Hills, so here we are. Also, this is the real deal of live blogging: I am writing this as I watch!

Tonight's Hills starts off with some drama for your mama: Kristin meets up with Jade for incomprehensible reasons. She is wearing an off-the-shoulder black number, exposing a braided gold bra-strap, which I stare at covetously. Jade tells Kristin to "go back to wherever it is you came from," to which Kristin retorts that Jade is a bitch and walks out. I am left pondering: who pays for the Grey Goose vodka soda that Kristin ordered?

Next, Lo meets Kristin for lunch. Kristin is now wearing a black blazer and a huge red ring. I decide to do a blog entry dedicated to her style choices in the near future. Lo earns her $10k/episode salary by asking a leading question about Kristin's lunch with Jade.

Brody then meets with Jade who wants to get back together with him even though "he's been acting like a jerk."

[Commercial break]

Kristin now meets up with Brody at a swanky restaurant. Brody is wearing a v-neck. I disapprove. Brody confesses that he met up with Jade and that he wants to work things out with her, saying,"I love the girl." Kristin, obviously phased by this rejection, saves face by telling Brody he can do better and that she doesn't think it will work out.

[filler scene of Heidi and Spencer]

The episode concludes with Kristin announcing to Stacy the bartender/her new roommate that "I hate everybody." (I feel you there, K-Cav!). She then reveals that Justin Bobby called her and plays a voice mail of him announcing through choked emotion that he "ended everything with Audrina." Kristin and Stacy decide to go to Vegas, because Vegas fixes everything.

End Scene.

P.S. Scenes from next week show Justin Bobby in bed with Kristin. What a teaser!

Spotlight on: Taylor Jacobson

Anyone who reads this blog knows the extent of my adoration for Taylor Jacobson (ex assistant to Rachel Zoe and my future BFF). I can totally see us vegging out together in front of the TV, complaining about how much we hate our jobs, making fun of Brad, and exchanging dry witticisms on life. But most of all, we would share clothes. Although, I would not need to borrow her awesome black Ray Bans since I may or may not have purchased them while drooling over all of these pictures.

"You really should try this coffee, lemon juice, Claritin diet I’ve been on."

Yesterday one of my friends sent me a link to a hilarious post from a site called "Dating a Banker Anonymous". Am I the last person on earth to have seen this website? It's about girls who date bankers and had their black cards cut off when the recession hit. Brilliant. I put a short teaser below but head to the site for some quality entertainment.

"IN CAB:

Cruisin’ up Washington Street back to the Standard.

Me: “Cabbie, pull over!” I try to jump out of the cab and make a run for it. Mona grabs me by the collar before I can get out of the cab.

Mona: “What are you a teenage runaway? Get back in the cab!”

Me: “I’m in no state to flirt. Trust me, you’re better off alone. I’m a liability.”

Mona: “OK OK. EVERYONE REMAIN CALM! Now, who’s the best wing woman ever?”

Me: “I am…”

Mona: “Who gets more phone numbers than you?”

Me: “No one…”

Mona: “And who’s going to wrangle in a new boyfriend tonight?”

Me: “Dude, I’m only going to attract bottom feeders tonight, I reek of desperation.”

Mona: “That’s not desperation you’re smelling, that’s self tanner.”"

PerezHilton v. Rachel Zoe: Who ya got?

Today, Perez Hilton tweeted to Rachel Zoe that "Your gayfaced husband is hot!" Rachel responded via Twitter: "do u ever get tired of being evil? must be exhausting..pathetic. maybe if you looked like Rodger u wouldn't be so bitter and miserable..hmmm." Perez retorted: "I'm even uglier on the inside! xoxo"

WOW! That is so unlike Rachel to stand up for herself like that! But I completely agree that Perez Hilton says some really nasty things and can be out of line. TEAM RACHEL!

Alexander Wang Hosts Party for Interior Designer Ryan Korban, Fashion Ensues

I found these party picks on Style.com. I really want a long blazer...